The Sports Gag which Kuroko does
by FrozenSapphire66
Summary: In an effort to widen their fandom Seirin basketball club joins up with the players of the Generation of Miracles. Their objective: compete in every possible sport that's not basketball. Kuroko faints. Chaos ensues.
1. Q 0: Challenge

"**The Sports Gag which Kuroko does"**

**-FrozenSapphire66**

**Summary: **In an effort to widen their fandom Seirin basketball club joins up with the players of the Generation of Miracles. Their objective: compete in every possible sport that's _not_ basketball. Kuroko faints. Chaos ensues.

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **General, Humor

**Characters: **Kuroko T.

**Warnings**: (N/A)

**Disclaimer: **This is a disclaimer. That fact makes me sad.

**A/N**: This is a pilot for an upcoming story.

I remember reading somewhere (Tumblr, I believe) about a fellow "Kuroko no Basuke" fan who, about a year ago, had to beg their friends to read this amazing series. Their response had apparently been "A sports gag manga?" or something along those lines.

The story stuck to my brain for a whole day. Coincidentally, the same day I was thinking about volleyball (which is my "focus" in PE right now) and the lack of good volleyball manga. My next thought was obviously "What if the characters from KnB tried playing other sports?"

I guess I was also pretty annoyed about Kise disrespecting the amazing sport of soccer by describing it as "simple". This is my revenge on him.

In short, this is a crack-fic filled with our favorite characters, juvenile humor and underlining of the glaring truths behind "Kuroko no Basuke". Obviously, _I take advice and suggestions_. Fasten your seatbelt. Ladies, gentlemen: this is Frozen Sapphire presenting "Kuroko no Sports gag"…

EDIT (09/17/12): This chapter has now been edited and proofread by the authoress. Still awaiting further editing by a second party (requesting a beta reader).

* * *

**Prologue**

The squeaking of sneakers against polished hardwood floors, accompanied by the uneven thuds of basketballs and the occasional swoosh of the net, sounded through the gym of Seirin High School. The position of the sun shining bleakly through the high windows told the time to be close to noon. Small particles of dust could be spotted floating in the air if one focused hard enough. The smell of rubber and perspiration tickled every nostril. It was a Saturday – and Seirin Basketball club's full-day practice.

Practice was hard; no overestimation here. First years and second years alike were huffing heavily for air, practice shirts clinging with sweat to every rippling muscle the fabric covered. The Seirin team captain, Hyuga Junpei, gave clear commands for his troops to follow, to which he received loud and clear responses. Even the team's pet dog and mascot on the sideline, Tetsuya #2, joined in with an occasional yelp.

Everyone was tripping on the brink of exhaustion, but was still giving their all – if not much, much more.

There was one thing that was common knowledge as much as a norm in Seirin Basketball club: always work hard, concentrate, push your limits, get your head in the game and don't _ever_ think about slacking off –_ even when Coach isn't there._

"Come on, let's go! She can walk through those doors any second, and you want her to see you like _this?!_ Get _moving!_"

Captain Hyuga knew very well he was helping his team in multiple ways by driving them this hard with his commands – and he was certainly helping himself. No man in his right mind stood fearless before Aida Riko. Unless, of course, he wanted to die a slow, agonizing death by working himself past his limits a fifty times over, to the point where his every muscle cell just committed suicide by overload. There would be pain and blood, sweat and tears. Even after the grueling death she would probably follow her "victim" into the afterlife in order to have them make up for the pushups they missed… _times three._

As if every Seirin player had the same thought running through their head at that moment, a simultaneous shudder went through the room. _Oh, the horror_.

"Alright everyone, I want to run some plays!" Hyuga announced, momentarily stopping his players' movements. "First years on offence with Izuki, 2-3 zone defense. Kiyoshi takes the center; Kuroko, get some passes running!" A unified response met the captain's ears. He watched in satisfaction as his players took their positions on court, focus clearing their minds of distractions, and made to begin a composition of high-level shots and passes.

Izuki started a slow dribble and held his hand up to signal the attack. "Okay, let's get one basket!" the point guard announced, a game plan ready in his head as he passed the ball on to his right.

The squeaking continued at a fast pace as the ball was passed and dribbled for a while, plays both succeeding and failing against a though second year defense. Tension was building quickly on the court despite not being a real match. They were currently doing a cross-court play with a man-to-man defense, passes delivered at high speed through the offensive team. Even the captain couldn't hold in a surge of excitement as a flash of icy blue unexpectedly crossed the path of a well-aimed pass. Only the trained eye, used to this sort of intrusion, could catch the actual affiliation of the player in the split second he appeared.

In that split second, Phantom player Kuroko Tetsuya charged in to punch the ball in a spinning motion that would attain the form of the powerful ignite pass, aiming across half the court to where Kagami Taiga, team ace, would stand to receive it a second later, free to go for whatever dunk or layup he could muster.

Moreover, also occurring in that split second, the doors of the Seirin gym slammed open with the force of an angry thunderstorm. A female screech of both anguishing fear and overflowing excitement pierced through the dense tension air.

The scene changed dramatically. All movement stopped, but not before after Kuroko completed the preparations for the pass and launched it at something that must've been close to supersonic speed across the court. Kagami had also reached his position before the interruption abruptly caught his attention. Crimson eyes only got to apprehend the situation of the all too familiar Coach Aida rushing through the doors for a millisecond. Vaguely he caught a glint of crisp white paper in her hand before something fast, heavy and orange slammed into his inattentive face.

A loud and painful groan escaped the ace player as he sank to the hardwood floor, hands covering his nose, but wasn't spared a glance from any of the gym's occupants. His teammates were all focusing on their newly arrived coach, or _tormenter_ depending on the outlook.

"It's here! It's really _here!_" she eventually exclaimed, making the Seirin players (with the exception of Kagami) tilt their heads in wonder.

Koganei, second year forward, scratched his cheek and brazenly stated his obvious confusion. "What? What's here…?"

A sigh escaped Izuki who put his hands on his hips in a slightly impatient fashion. "Who knows? But if it's got Coach this ecstatic it's either another super strict training menu… or a challenge for a practice match against a super strong school."

"No way…! Like we need even harder practices with what we've already got! I swear she's _trying_ to have us killed!"

Kiyoshi Teppei chuckled slightly at the first years' despairing outburst, raising his hands in a defensive manner for the sake of his coach and good friend. "Guys, let's not speculate like that – Coach is the best at what she does and knows exactly how to handle us. And also, look," he explained with a genuine smile, pointing to the envelope in the ecstatic girl's hand. "It's probably a letter for us; how exciting!"

Catching on, the others soon shared an enthusiastic sort of wonderment. This had never really happened before. The captain also voiced his curiosity, adjusting his glasses and raising a sharp eyebrow as he did so. "So, just what is it, Coach?"

Pure mirth shone like stars through Riko's chocolate colored eyes as she giggled and winked mischievously at her players, holding the white paper up for them to see. The crisp color gleamed in the harsh light from the roof lamps.

"Well, this right here—" she started, but was immediately stopped by a roar of fury from somewhere to her right.

"…_Fu' in' ri'iculous!_ _Ku'oko,_ _you ba'tard!_" With that interjection a bloody nosed and red faced Kagami had limped his way over to the blank eyed boy in question and delivered a badly aimed left-hand punch to his face.

Although taken by surprise, Kuroko let his head roll with the punch and soon recovered while rubbing his sore cheek. "Ouch…That hurts."

Kagami seemed even more frustrated by the response, expressively throwing a clenched and bloodstained right hand to his side. "Somehow, the way you say that is really annoying…!"

A comment, to which the rest of the team simultaneously thought: "Doesn't he always say that?"

Mitobe gave a quiet sigh.

"Kagami-kun, you should try to cool down a little. If you're all fired up your amplified circulation will cause you to lose even more blood than you already have," Kuroko stated monotonously, staring fairly casually at his partner with his ever blank gaze.

Kagami growled dangerously. "That's not making it any better when _you _are the cause of this, _bastard!_"

Kuroko blinked. "I see. I apologize, then."

"That's not good enough! At least be less indifferent about it!"

"Understood; I apologize."

"_Argh—you—_"

"Geez, you two… stop it already!" Riko quickly stepped in, effectively stopping the murder that probably would've occurred soon enough. The team was quite used to the two's quarreling by then. It really seemed that the only thing they could actually agree on was basketball – in which they made a rather lethal duo. No one had a style that complimented the powerful offence of the team ace better than Kuroko's; however, nothing riled Kagami up more than the indifferent responses from his shadow and teammate, and Riko had a slight intuition that Kuroko was undoubtedly doing it on purpose… either that or he was slightly socially awkward in the field of conversational proficiency (which wouldn't be very peculiar either). An audible sigh of frustration escaped her. "Just… someone, please get Kagamidiot here fixed up so he can stop _whining_ and let me explain what's in this envelope!"

With a loud and clear "Yes, Coach!" a couple of the first years went to grab the first aid kit from the locker room, as well as an excessive amount of paper towels.

A good few minutes later they were all finally seated around the area of the bench. Kagami had gotten some help from the first years and Kiyoshi fixing up his face and was relieved to be informed that his nose wasn't broken… but he still wore some white medicine tape tightly across his nose to keep it from bleeding again. Most of the paper towels he had been brought were already put to use.

Kuroko's cheek had suffered some minor bruising, but nothing major apart from that. He currently sported a tiny pack of ice pressed to his injured cheek. In conclusion, they both looked better than they could've had the fight gone on for much longer.

A small cough left the coach, inducing silence as the team turned in her direction. Pleased with the center of attention being back on her and her fantastic news, Riko smiled brightly at her team and held up the crisp envelope. "As I was saying, this here is… a letter!"

The expressions of the Seirin team revealed that every single one of them just did a mental face palm.

"W-Well, it's not just any letter," Riko hurriedly continued, straightening her skirt for a flat second. Then she looked up at her team once more, the excited gleam back at full force. "It's fan mail forwarded by the _Author_."

Everyone froze as soon as the last word left her mouth. A few gulps and gasps were audible among the boys. The next five seconds were filled with suffocating silence.

"Wait a second… _fan mail?_ For _us…?_" Captain Hyuga was the one to break the silence.

Riko nodded, still smiling smugly despite his skeptical tone. "It's addressed to 'Kuroko no Basuke' at our address here at Seirin, so I'm pretty sure it's meant for us... or at least for Kuroko I'm guessing."

The light blue haired player in question pointed an inquisitive finger at his nose, to which Hyuga mumbled dryly, "You're supposed to be the main character. Don't act so surprised."

Riko continued. "It's actually just a question. I'll read it to you right now," she said, clearing her throat before opening the envelope and bringing out a neat, thrice-folded piece of paper. Petite fingers quickly unfolded it, and she began. "Dear cast of 'Kuroko no Basuke'… Basketball is very important to you, but it must get boring in the long run. Have you ever considered playing another sport? That would be very amusing!"

A moment of silence passed.

"Is… that it?" Koganei cautiously asked, halfway expecting some form of a death threat at the bottom of the letter. None came.

Surprisingly, Kuroko took the word next, having given a thoughtful blank look in the direction of the floor. Slowly, he spoke. "No, I can't say I have."

The Seirin team snapped their heads in his direction, giving him enquiring looks in response to his straight answer.

Kuroko shrugged. "I love basketball."

His reply was a smack to the back of his head by an irritated Kagami. "We already know that, idiot… The letter just doesn't make any sense!"

"That hurts, as well," Kuroko mumbled, raising his head again. "I thought it would be polite to answer the question. It seemed very genuine."

A growl rumbled low in Kagami's throat, but Kiyoshi quickly evaded another illogical argument between the two by changing the subject. "It's true, what Kagami said, though. It really doesn't make sense for the _Author_ to forward something like this to us without a reason. Coach, are you sure there isn't anything else?"

In a haughty fashion Riko flipped a few strands of her short hazelnut hair, dramatically exaggerating a sigh. "Boys: such simple minded beings," she chided softly, smiling knowingly at her players. "It's basically right there in two words!"

"Uh… 'Basketball' and 'important'…?" second year Tsuchida tried.

"No. Not those," Riko answered, face slipping into a mischievous smirk now. "It's in 'boring' and 'amusing', idiots. Honestly, how can you not see this?"

A small glint flashed through Kuroko's endlessly blue eyes. "Ah. I see."

"W-What? You see what?" Koganei tried, not quite catching on to what was going on.

Kiyoshi smiled and nodded too. "Yes… when you put it in such a context, it makes sense."

Mitobe agreed with a quiet nod.

Once again, Koganei expressed his perplexity. He wasn't alone about it, as the other first years, as well as Tsuchida, seemed as if left to throw passes in the dark. Running out of patience, Kagami sighed in frustration. "Kuroko, you… just say it already."

Kuroko nodded curtly, turning to the team. "It seems like the readers want to see us fail at something that isn't basketball, for their own amusement."

A few seconds of silence were followed by the players' loud disapprovals, while Riko seemed quite content with the answer she received.

"Yup!" she smiled, waving the letter back and forth in front of them. "That's exactly it. The Author is obviously telling us that we need to give more fan service and keep the fan base growing. One way to do that is answering questions and trying out fan requests. So what we're going to do—"

"We're doing a sports gag?!" Koganei interrupted loudly, the team's eyes widening comically.

"More or less," Riko responded nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders ever so slightly. "Well, as coach and the daughter of a pro-sports trainer, I've obviously already thought this out and made some arrangement. I've even contacted the Generation of Miracles to come participate with u—"

Movement by the door caught her eye.

Riko fumed dangerously, "Hey, Kuroko! Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

Kuroko, already halfway across the threshold, stared back with blank eyes. "I have a feeling this isn't going to be a very pleasant experience."

"That's a lame excuse!" the rest of the team accused.

"You're the main character, for crying out loud – so quit disappearing all the time and start acting your role!" Riko scolded, crossing her arms impatiently at the phantom player. "Seriously, this guy…"

The first year players looked on in a mix between amusement and boredom. An insignificant resentment found their voices. "Huh… all the people this series is about and he was chosen as the main character," first year #1 (Furihata) commented, to which first year #2 (Kawahara) agreed.

"Yeah, it might as well have been 'The Basketball which the Generation of Miracles plays', or even 'Kagami no Basuke'…"

"Mhm, that might be so…" Kiyoshi smiled friendly from their left, his voice seemingly reflecting genuine wonder. However, then he turned his smile tauntingly to the crimson haired ace player. "…If a certain someone had scored a bit better on the popularity polls, that is."

Kagami's eyes narrowed. "Are you saying I couldn't have been the main character? 'Coz I bet you damn well I could!"

"No, that's not what I'm implying at all," Kiyoshi defended, friendly smile still gleaming on his content face. "I fully believe you could've pulled it off as a main character… I just don't believe you'd be a very popular one."

"_What_ was that?!"

"You're just… too main stream."

Kuroko's trademark deadpan look was present as he made an interjection. "I see… so that conclusion makes me a 'hipster', then."

Silence filled the gym once more as various Seirin players tried to process the mental picture of a "Hipster Kuroko".

Kiyoshi laughed uneasily. "More or less, though I'd rather describe you as… quite _ordinarily_ abnormal."

"Fans like that, I suppose. Strange beings: fans. Anime fans: even stranger beings," Izuki mumbled, more to himself than anyone.

The coach sighed dramatically. "Geez, I can't believe you guys… We're totally off topic right now! Just let me finish what I started, already!" Finally back in the spotlight, the team quiet both out of fear and respect, Riko started where she left of. "Well then… I've already gotten some more popular characters to join us – not to say that you guys are not popular. You're just not… as _favored_ as them… except for Kuroko, maybe." Kagami snorted at this. "So, since we're going on break I've got a program running through the next few days… maybe even for a week, if this goes well, and we're starting… today!"

An outburst of disbelief met the ridiculous claim. Riko seemed to be beyond herself with happiness.

"Yes, you heard me! I've already rented a place for us to do this, and our bus is outside waiting for us!"

…To which she got an even louder chorus of groans and complaints. Despite the magnitude of the objections, nothing seemed to bring her down from her high seat of determination and joy. No matter what Seirin Basketball club had to say to their defense it was quickly shut down by their unstoppable, petrifying tormentor in the skin of a sweet High School girl. They were doing a sports gag; end of story.

Kuroko stared on quietly. "This really isn't going to be a very pleasant experience."

Tetsuya #2 barked in response. It couldn't have said it better itself.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you for reading the pilot. When I finish the next two chapters I'll start proofreading and posting. Suggestions for sports you want to see your favorite characters try and miserably fail in are welcome, as well as specific things you think they will successfully accomplish… or successfully fail at. Until next time,

-Miss Frozen

**Next up is Q1: **Ready, _set!_ Volleyball


	2. Q 1p1: Volleyball

"**The Sports Gag which Kuroko does"**

**-FrozenSapphire66**

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **General, Humor

**Characters: **Kuroko T.

**Warnings**: (N/A)

**Disclaimer: **This is a disclaimer. That fact makes me sad.

**A/N**: Q1 ended up becoming a very long chapter. In order to give more meat to the end of the bone I've decided to cut it in half. This is the first half of the chapter; the second half will be out sometime next week (around Wednesday, I believe).

Thank you all for your wonderful response. It really makes me happy knowing people enjoy my writing this much. Now I have some amazing ideas for future chapters, but I'd love for you to keep them coming. Right now I believe Q2 is going to be about soccer, but although I've started on the bone (the chapter outline) I don't really like how it's turning out. For example, I really want to include Akashi a lot but he makes it hard to keep the story canon-related with his "I win, I'm right" philosophy. Any ideas would be helpful!

Again, thank you so much. I hope you'll enjoy Q1.

* * *

**Q1: Ready, Set! Volleyball**

_**First Half**_

Drop after drop. The reverberations of water hitting moldy concrete floors were continuous, a harmonious occurrence that had been going for a large amount of time. Now it was broken by the echoes of voices and footsteps.

The Seirin players talked quietly amongst themselves as they followed Coach Aida through the dimly lit hallway. They had been walking for a while now. For most it felt like they were paraded to their execution instead of whatever Riko had planned for them (which probably wasn't much better). The musk, lifeless air and the constant dripping of water only added to the effect. Was this a hidden underground graveyard? Or perhaps even a torture chamber…? They all felt a shiver running down their backs at the thought.

Wherever they were headed, it was still a mystery. During the entire bus ride Riko had refused to tell them where she was taking them. After a while filled with quite bothersome interrogations she had easily brushed off their prying questions with a dangerous smile and a terrifying hum concerning tripling their training menus once they got back to regular schedule. No one dared to ask again after that.

Only a few minutes earlier they had gotten off of the buss, not at all expecting the breathtaking sight that met them. In front of them was some sort of huge, modern sports center containing such a variety of possible activities that none of them thought they were still in Tokyo, Japan. When they first entered they had all been undeniably excited at the layout of the facility. Once Riko received a set of keys from the front desk and delivered Tetsuya #2 to the Pet Care Center she had them follow her into the depths of the building. They had walked through impressive showcases, endlessly many food stalls, and hallways built with glass walls enabling them to be awestruck by all the different courts, pools, fields, people and equipment their eyes could feast on.

There were even a number of basketball courts where seriously strong university players had been honing their skills. Even Coach had stopped briefly to admire the smooth plays, but not at all long enough for the Seirin players who'd rather watch a middle school basketball practices than find out what they were about to encounter.

They were all very skeptical when they were eventually led through a door and down a stairwell, and then into the sinister hallway they were currently walking through. Riko hadn't hesitated for a second.

The joyous brunette was close to skipping as she continued leading the way further into the darkness and further away from Seirin's redemption.

"Hey… this isn't looking so good for us," Koganei whispered with distraught as he turned to his fellow second years. "What if she's really going to kill us?"

The first years shivered notably at their upper classman's worries. Captain Hyuga simply stared grimly ahead.

They continued walking, softly murmuring prayers and mourning their oh-so-young lives that had yet to be lived.

Kagami suddenly growled, crimson eyes narrowing as he continued his slow pace. "You're not leaving us in this shit, Kuroko. You'd better start walking again _right now_."

Kuroko blinked, aware that the ace player must've been listening for his footsteps just in case he would try to disappear. Hesitating for a moment, he made his legs start forward again, shortly catching up with his light and partner.

Kagami sighed. "If you're as terrified as the rest of us, at least don't act so indifferent about it. It's annoying."

"Ah."

Deep blue orbs slowly slid to take a sideway glance at the ace player. Kagami stared back.

"I really am terrified though."

Another sight left the redhead. "You say that as if you just watched 'My Neighbor Totoro', you know…"

Kuroko smiled.

A cheery female giggle broke through the murmurs, silencing them all. Riko seemed beyond herself with delight as she stopped in front of a pair of grey painted metal doors and twirled around to smile at her team. "We're here!"

At her announcement every man in the group steeled himself for what to come. All eyes were on Riko's petite hands that agonizingly slowly handled the key that fit the lock on the door, succeeding after a small amount of struggle. With a creak the doors parted, again in painfully slow motions. Through the crack, it was as if a heavenly light spilled into the hallway, blinding them with unbearable whiteness.

Kagami looked away for a second, crimson eyes squinting as they adjusted to the brightness. As soon as he felt ready he looked up. A quiet gasp escaped him as his eyes widened comically in size. What he found in front of him was impossible for him not to recognize. He had lived in LA, for crying out loud – and if there was one other sport you saw West Coast Americans do unprofessionally just as much as street basket it was most likely this.

In that moment Kagami realized just what he would be doing today.

* * *

The raised net gleamed in the sunlight from the high windows where it stood, stretched across the court between two sturdy metal poles, packed in with blue paddings. Two antennas stood perpendicular to the net. The hardwood floor was the same as any basketball court, but the lines covering it were of foreign matter to the players of Seirin who practically ate orange rubber for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Also, the ball carts on the sides were filled with something that only had one thing in common with their regular nutrition: they, too, were balls.

It was quite clear by then. Obviously, they would be playing volleyball.

The entire team simply gaped.

She really was serious about this.

Riko grinned brightly. "Alright…! They set it all up for us! Now we can spend more time on playing— how lucky!"

"How _unlucky_, you mean…" the defeated Seirin players mumbled, definitely already realizing they had just entered something way worse than a torture chamber.

The brunette turned to her team again, still grinning joyfully. "Everyone, today we're playing a sport of intense aggressiveness, precision like no other and dynamics unmatched. Get ready for the 'One-Pass' sport of volleyball! Let's do our best!"

Crickets were heard in the background.

Aida's smiling face twitched.

Not a second later the team responded with a forced, though loud and clear, "Yes, Coach! We will do our best!"

Kiyoshi was seemingly the only player who seemed sincere about it though. With his calm and friendly expression steadily in place he turned to his team with words of encouragement. "Guys, we should try to look at the bright side of things. Although we might not be successful at first, it is true that volleyball build reflexes and precision at high rates. Let's all take something out of this and bring it back to the basketball court, alright?"

After considering what Kiyoshi had to say the mood among the players seemed to brighten, even if just a little. Only Hyuga seemed even more annoyed after the center player's declaration.

Satisfied with her response, Riko put on a genuine smile.

"We were really lucky with my contacts today. I just told them some friends of mine wanted to get together and play volleyball, and they did all this for us! They even left some sportswear for us in the locker room!" she gleefully announced, then crossed her arms in a superior manner. "Well, what are you guys standing around for? Go change already!"

"Yes, Coach!"

* * *

Riko slowly walked around the court with a red, white and blue themed volleyball, bouncing it on the ground and setting it smoothly with the tips of her fingers, humming softly on her favorite melodies all the while. She was really happy about the way things were turning out. She hadn't really planned on her players knowing she was somewhat using this project to their advantage at developing their skills, but if it got them that much more motivated, so be it. She was glad she had trusty leaders like Hyuga and Kiyoshi by her side. They made her job much easier and basketball even more enjoyable than it already was.

Smiling absentmindedly to herself, she thought in the back of her mind how strange it was that she was still the only person in the gym. Suspiciously, she checked the time on her cellphone and quickly realized her team had been in the locker room for more than fifteen minutes already. Narrowing her chocolaty eyes she debated whether or not to go check on them when she suddenly heard the door creak open and footsteps from people entering.

Turning around, she sighed in relief. "…Finally! What took you guys so long—wait…_what!?_"

The Seirin players stood in a group ten meters away from her, red faced with eyes averted, and wearing _exactly _what they had been wearing before they went to change.

Riko stared with disbelief. "Why aren't you guys wearing any equipment?"

First year Furihata swallowed and tried to come up with an explanation. "W-Well, you see… the equipment we were left wasn't really… fitting."

The Coach raised an eyebrow. Kagami sighed, elaborating on his classmate's description. "The uniforms were way too small and way too tight. Most of us couldn't ever hope to fit into that… ma'am."

Koganei nodded in agreement. "Yeah, only Kuroko was small enough to get into one!"

The brunette nodded slowly, slightly disappointed that they didn't get to wear proper uniforms the way she had fantasized about it. She sighed. "I see… well, where is Kuroko then?"

"I'm right here."

The familiar sudden declaration from her right no longer did more than make her breath hitch for a second. She turned to the renowned phantom player to survey his appearance only to have her words stuck in her throat.

Still wearing a deadpan look, although he seemed ever so slightly uncomfortable where he stood, Kuroko seemed to be completely normal – or at least as normal as you get wearing tightfitting _spandex shorts_ and a blue and white skintight _girl's jersey. _

Riko screamed. "_What the heck, Kuroko—! _What are you doing wearing that girl's uniform? Are you a shota character or something?!"

Kuroko looked slightly thoughtful for a moment. "Now that you mention it, this really does feel way too uncomfortable to be normal men's sportswear."

"Of course it's not normal! I don't even care that you can actually pull it off! Why aren't you wearing the men's sportswear that you got?"

"To everyone's defense, there wasn't anything else but these uniforms in the locker room, Riko," Kiyoshi defended, stepping up to stand in front of the flustered coach.

The brunette calmed down dramatically. "Huh? Is that so…?"

Hyuga made an approving hum. "Well, you're saying they are girl's uniforms, so I can only assume that your contacts believed you and 'your friends' would all be girls."

"Does Coach even have any female friends…?" first year Kawahara softly asked his teammates, to which he was quickly shut up with a smack to the head and an angry "Shut your mouth, you idiot!"

Riko, realizing her mistake, laughed in an apologetic manner and then sighed softly. "Ah, I see… This is my fault. Well, men usually wear something close to basketball shorts and t-shirts anyway. At least try the knee pads and ankle braces and see if they fit – I don't want you crushing kneecaps and spraining ankles in the middle of basketball season. And Kuroko… please get out of that uniform."

A chorus of "yes, ma'am" went through the team as they turned back to the locker rooms, but they didn't get far before the metal doors to the corridor slammed open into another interruption.

"Finally, we found it!" an all too familiar voice caught the Seirin team's attention. Kuroko and Kagami snapped their heads around in time to see a mop of styled golden blond hair emerge from the darkness of the corridor. In front of them, wearing blue shorts and a matching t-shirt, stood none other than Kise Ryouta of the Generation of Miracles. The part-time model winced and lifted a slender hand to cover his squinting amber eyes from the intruding light. "Dang, that's so bright! It's like we've been walking in the sewers for days!"

A light female voice, also easily recognizable, was heard from behind him not a second before Momoi Satsuki's bubbly pink head popped out from the darkness, her eyes also squinting in the face of the light. "Ki-chan, wait up! Aomine-kun and Midorin are still back there."

"It's not my fault they're so slow!" Kise argued, throwing a glance at Momoi.

Before she could retort, the heavy presences of the Generation of Miracles' very own Aomine Daiki and Midorima Shintarou entered the room from the darkness of the hallway, both temporarily blinded by the brightness. Teiko's former ace seemed bored with the situation, while Midorima seemed mildly annoyed with Kise at the moment, adjusting his glasses where he stood. "Who're you calling slow, Kise? Just because you ran through that hallway as if your feet were catching fire it doesn't mean we have to mimic your childishness."

Kise grimaced at his former teammate. "Geez, Midorimacchi… You're always so serious! I'm still technically a child, so it really shouldn't be a problem," he argued, then blinked to find his eyes adjusted to the light. Grinning, he looked up into the room. "Phew, I can't wait to see Kuro—_Kurokocchi?!"_

Amber eyes zoomed in on the very familiar boy standing among the Seirin players dressed in very _unfamiliar_ attire.

Kuroko blinked once. "Hello, Kise-kun," he greeted, and then turned to address the rest of his newly arrived acquaintances who were all staring with expressions similar to Kise's. "…and to Momoi-san, Midorima-kun and Aomine-kun. Hello."

Kise broke the momentary silence by running up to his friend and former teammate, hugging the poor boy with an unmatched adoration. "Kurokocchi…! I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry! I can't believe you're cross-dressing!" he dramatically announced, rivers of tears running down his cheeks.

Kuroko seemed to have done this a hundred times before as he got the crying idol's attention with a slight pat on the back. "I'm not really purposefully dressed like this…"

Kise sniffed loudly for a bit, then pulled back to look into Kuroko's blank blue eyes with limitless determination in his teary amber ones, hands resting firmly on the shorter boy's shoulders. "I want you to know this, Kurokocchi… If you really decide that you want to—not be a man anymore, you have my support! I will even help you find a name and supply you with a new wardrobe! And I am sure Momochi can help you if you need, you know, _necessities—_"

"—Okay!" Riko cut him off with a dangerously gentle smile. She did obviously not like where this conversation was going. Even Kise let go of Kuroko as soon as he felt the killer vibes rushing towards him, somewhat making him feel like he was in for muscle ache in ways he'd never felt before.

As soon as she had the situation under control with her "vibes of doom" Riko began greeting the newcomers.

"Hello! Thank you all for coming! I'm so glad you could make it," she announced honestly, beaming at the foursome. "We just went through an introduction for the equipment, and Kuroko was chosen to assist me. Everyone is heading in to change now, so if you'd please join them we'll get started momentarily."

Kise expressed his joy over being able to share a locker room with Kuroko, Midorima and Aomine again, seemingly recalling the days from Teiko. Momoi came over to give Kuroko a hug of her own, making certain Seirin players twitch with jealousy as the "gifted" manager got intimate with the ever unresponsive phantom player.

When all the greetings were made the players headed for the locker room again, intent on getting everything right this time. Kagami didn't get far, however, before he heard Aomine's provoking voice speak from behind him.

"So, volleyball, huh," the blue haired ace player commented, seemingly to himself. Kagami knew better though, and couldn't help but take the bite as he turned around, crimson eyes narrowing. Aomine smirked. "Man… it's such a girly sport, you know. And now I'm stuck here playing around with amateurs… sheesh, what a drag."

A low growl escaped the red haired Seirin player. He didn't want to be there either, but there was something about the other man's personality that really irked him and egged him on. He wasn't going to stand on the receiving end of his taunts without a fight, though; because if there was one thing Aomine wouldn't back away from it was a serious challenge.

That was exactly what Kagami had in mind.

"Ah, a girls' sport, huh," he repeated the Touou player's words, and then added his own taunt. "Is that your way of saying you're not down for a little variety once in a while? Because that's how I'm going to take it… what a shame."

Dark blue eyes narrowed. "What are you implying, Kagami?"

Now it was Kagami's turn to smirk. "I'm implying that you're not up for the challenge. You're too scared to try something new – in case you won't be the best at it. You're _backing down_, Aomine_-kun_."

Aomine seemed to be very frustrated by the taunts, but soon he returned the gesture, lips lifting into a confident sneer. "Oh…? Is that a challenge I hear?"

"And what if it is?" Kagami taunted further.

Aomine's smirk widened. "Then I suggest you get changed, Kagami. I am about to beat you in every single dimension of the sports world. Perhaps with some proper gear you will actually stand a chance."

Now Aomine was serious, and he could tell his rival was as well.

Kagami sneered. "You should make sure those bracers are sitting tight." With that last gibe, he disappeared into the locker room. He was so winning this thing.

* * *

Few minutes later, to Riko's gratitude, everyone was ready and _properly _dressed for playing volleyball. While the guys had hit the locker rooms she'd gotten time to establish a system with Momoi's help making the pink haired manager responsible for doing stats and analyzing the players' strengths in a new sport that required different use of abilities. At least she'd gotten along with the bubbly, overdeveloped first year without feeling the need to strangle someone… for now.

As the boys entered the gym again no one seemed more fired up than Kagami Taiga. After Riko's short briefing on the basics of volleyball (making some demonstrating passes and sets with Momoi's help), he quickly grabbed hold of a ball, fingers shaking with the energy he needed to release.

"Let's do this!" With a loud roar he threw the ball up and jumped after it, surprising his peers who watched in amazement as his arm rolled back and then swung forward with astounding force, hitting the ball exceptionally powerfully…

…right into the net.

The gym was quiet as the ball rebounded out of the shaking net and onto the floor where it bounced a few times before rolling away lazily. The Seirin players groaned in disappointment.

"Didn't you live in America?" Captain Hyuga remarked, looking suspiciously at the redhead behind the awful hit.

Kagami himself looked skeptical about his terrible miss, crimson eyes narrowing at the now motionless ball while mumbling something along the lines of, "It looked much easier when those girls on the beach did it…"

Aomine sniggered in the background, much to Kagami's annoyance.

Before anything else could happen though, Riko took charge. "Okay, now that we've seen the dynamics of the net – thanks to_ Kagamidiot _here– we'll start practicing the basics! Spread out and let's hustle, everyone!"

For a while Riko had all the players rotate on practicing everything from passing and setting to serving and blocking. Her biggest challenge yet was getting people used to catching and passing, in that order, to actually start hitting the ball. Other than that, despite a relative slow learning curve, she noticed that everyone was doing pretty well. Sure, the ball hit the net eighty percent of the time and went out of bounds the remaining twenty percent – but there were occasional highlights as well.

Izuki proved to be excellent at setting and was currently teaching the first years how to go about it, and Hyuga was quite the outside hitter who also had some strong receives. It was quite obvious that Kiyoshi might've tried playing volleyball before as he, compared to the rest of them, excelled in just about everything.

When it came to the previous Generation of Miracles… Riko was seriously hoping they'd come up with a real miracle soon.

Kise couldn't really master anything before watching someone else succeed at it first, and with mostly everyone failing miserably around him he had a hard time coming up with skills that didn't end in the net. Midorima would also have made an excellent setter had he actually tried using his left hand for control. His sets and passes would always make it towards the right spot; the problem was that they always went way too far. Aomine wasn't doing any better. His ball handling techniques that were perfect for his chosen sport of basketball had no use in volleyball. Chained to the formless plays he was used to execute most of his passes ended in lifts or in the net.

Currently the trio was testing their serving skills.

"Alright, this should be relatively easy," Kise smiled as he picked up his ball, getting a feel of it with his fingers. He looked over at the outside of the court where Kuroko was paired up with Kagami doing sets and passes. He smiled, shouting out to get his old teammate's attention. "Hey, Kurokocchi—this one's for our everlasting friendship!"

The duo stopped the passing for a moment, watching as Kise readied himself. With grace that few could muster, he leapt up into the air mimicking the form of a perfect jump serve. With elegant speed and precision the Kaijo ace hit the ball—straight to the ground.

Kise looked heartbrokenly at the ball as it bounced and rolled away, and the weight of thousands of volleyballs hit him when he realized Kuroko wasn't paying attention anymore.

"What a beautiful friendship. Just like the serve you just made: it flops," Midorima commented to Kise's further distraught.

Dramatic waterfalls fell from the young man's amber eyes. "Midorimacchi is so mean…"

Aomine sighed at the theatrical manner of his former teammate before he wordlessly picked up a ball and went to serve it. Once again, the starting movements were so fluid and so swift that it was quite unbelievable that such a beautifully executed move could actually fail… until it hit the net, that is.

Kise couldn't help but snigger. "Hey, what's this? Something Aominecchi _can't_ do?"

Dark blue eyes glared at the blond. "You can start talking when your serve flies further than three feet in front of you."

"Aominecchi is so mean, as well… Kurokocchi, please, save me from these evil men!"

Kuroko simply winced as he received a particularly hard spike.

Once again Kise's dramatic prayers went unanswered. "Kurokocchi…" he cried pitifully, reaching longingly out towards the phantom player.

As Kise went through his grey zone, Midorima went up to take his serve. Both throwing and hitting the ball with his right hand he managed to make the serve look just as skillful as his companions', the difference being that it actually went over the net. Both Aomine and Kise stared on in awe as it went further, and further, and further until… it hit the wall on the other side of the gym.

Kise gaped wordlessly in response to what just had occurred, disbelief clear on his face. "That's… way out of bounds."

Midorima adjusted his glasses. "At least it went over, which is more than we can say for you two."

Aomine twitched. "Just shut up, will you?"

Back with Kuroko and Kagami the passing was getting more frequent and intensive. Kuroko was barely keeping up while he noticed that his partner was getting quite the hang of it. He was, per say, a specialist in tap-passing, but this was on an entirely different stage. When tapping was the only thing you could do, it wasn't really a specialty anymore – and all it really got him was sore arms.

He winced as he received another spike and passed it smoothly to Kagami who went to set it. He cast a quick glance down at his arms, not quite happy about the redness and the pricking bruises that were forming.

"Kagami-kun," he said, catching the redhead's attention. The set came at him and he rolled it back with his palm for his partner to receive it.

"What?" Kagami inquired, passing the ball with a soft thud.

Kuroko positioned for setting. "My arms hurt."

Kagami seemed to twitch at the indifferent declaration, putting in motion a spike that hit much,_ much_ harder than Kuroko had anticipated.

The ball hit with a hard thud and a soft whine escaped the pale boy as he lost control of the ball that went bouncing elsewhere. A flicker of hurt went through his blank blue eyes. "Ouch... that really hurt…"

Kagami's eyes narrowed. "Geez, stop whining and take it like a man!"

"How mean…!" Kise exclaimed from where he stood by the servers, having watched the exchange with an anxious expression. He then whined, "If I was Kurokocchi's partner I would never do that to him! Kurokocchi—are you hurt? I'll get some ice for your arms! Oh, and a vanilla milkshake, too! And then you can come to Kaijo and play basket with me and forever escape such cruel treatment!"

"You're making a scene, Kise…" Midorima commented, sighing.

Kagami twitched. "Kuroko already refused coming to Kaijo, so stop nagging him about it!"

"I'd really like a vanilla milkshake, though," the phantom player injected, softly nursing his sore arms.

"I really don't like how you're testing your skills on Tetsu, though," Aomine suddenly spoke up. No one had noticed him picking up the stray ball before he slowly approached the Seirin rookie duo. A leer shone on his face, eyes promising a challenge as he spoke, "…especially when I am right here."

Kagami smirked right back. "Bring it."

"Any day, Kagami-_kun_," the Touou player taunted, already going for a spike.

It was an amazing show put on between the two ace players. The incredible force between every spike and hit resounded in the thuds of the receiving. Despite the occasional fumbling and lifting of amateurs, neither wanted to give in and made sure to have the ball stay airborne. Kise and Midorima watched intensely at the show-off between the two rivals, Kise already memorizing movements and techniques for later use. Even the Seirin players practicing setting turned to catch a glance of the display.

Izuki noticed their play was completely devoid of any sets in order to keep the other from gaining an advantage. With a dramatic expression worthy of Hamlet himself he held the volleyball at arm's length in front of his face. "To set or not to set, that is the question."

While the freshmen and Koganei cracked a grin, Tsuchida motioned for them to be quiet, but couldn't hold back his own chuckle at Izuki's self-composed pick-up line:

"I am a setter. Would it be fair if I 'set' you up with me?"

Captain Hyuga ignored the group in favor for sighing at the display before him. "Really, those two…"

"It can't be helped. Rival instincts," Kiyoshi supplied, calmly watching the contest as well.

Eventually, it would have to come to an end. It did when Kagami suddenly fumbled after receiving the ball and Aomine caught it as his opportunity to spike the ball with a force Kagami couldn't possibly retort to when out of balance. However, as he did so, he failed to notice the mop of light blue hair they had moved around for the last minute suddenly popping up in-between them before it was too late.

With a loud smack the impossibly powerful spike hit Kuroko in the head.

They all stared in disbelief as the boy fell back in a comical star shape, hitting the floor, unconscious.

Kise then Kise screamed. "When did Kurokocchi get there…?! Why would he be in the middle of that—that warzone?"

Hyuga groaned; face palming as he did so. "He was probably always there, next to them. Aomine and Kagami must've moved around 'til he was in the middle of it."

Aomine was stunned. He had just hit his former shadow into a coma. "T…Tetsu…"

Kuroko was still sprawled dizzy-eyed on the floor.

"Why isn't anyone getting the first-aid kit…?! He could be dying!" Kagami panicked. He was pretty sure he just saw the boy's spirit slowly leaving his body through his open mouth.

"It's right here! I've got it! Don't die, Tetsu-kun…!" Satsuki pleaded as she ran over with Riko right behind her. They quickly did a remarkable job on patching him up and icing his wounds – girl power for the win.

The other players sighed in relief as the girls announced he's be okay and took him over to the bench. Kise followed behind them, fawning over his injured teammate.

Hyuga rubbed his temples. "And people think it's weird that we're labeled as a boy love manga…"

Kiyoshi, standing over at the serve line with a ball under his arm, smiled at the scene in front of him and laughed at his captain's remark. "Everyone's having fun. I'm glad."

To his peers' awe, Seirin's center gracefully threw the ball up and performed a jump serve that flew over the net and right down into the far left corner of the court, inside the lines. Cheers erupted from the Seirin team.

"Nice serve, Teppei!" Riko praised from the bench. The others complimented it as well. Even Kuroko, who'd been forced to stay down for a while, held his thumb up in approval.

Kiyoshi laughed it off and went to collect the ball. This was turning out better than he'd expected… although, he wouldn't say himself too sure yet. Who knew what would happen with all these different players on the court.

* * *

**A/N:** In case you didn't notice I'm incorporating my opinions of the manga/anime in the story, trying to make it seem somewhat funny. I find it amusing how people gender-bend Kuroko a lot. It's made obvious that if he was a "she" every ship in this series could go canon any day. If he really was a girl I don't think he'd be half as amusing, though.

I'm actually pretty neutral to the pairings in this fandom. I'd be just as happy for Satsuki ending up with Daiki (or even Tetsuya, although that seems slim) as I would for any shounen-ai related pairs. I could probably write any of them and have a good time doing it. Personally I believe there won't be any canon pairings going on, though.

Sorry for the side-track, ha-ha… I just couldn't help it.

I love Kise by the way. Then again, who doesn't…?

I still take advice and suggestions on keeping the characters as close to the real deal as possible. If you liked/didn't like something I did, please tell me about it.

Thank you.

-Miss Frozen


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